its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
