i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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