my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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