I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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