Im at strip club and am horny
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
