He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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