I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
