he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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