im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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