so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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