I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
