I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
