I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
