Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
