well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
