i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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