onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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