she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
