Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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