So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
