You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
