i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
