she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
