Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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