did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
