i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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