Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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