I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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