Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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