My sheets look like a crime scene.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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