He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
