I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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