week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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