If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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