I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
