my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
