Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize