The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize