she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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