it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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