You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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