I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
