I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
