He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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