Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
how drunk are you?
Several
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
