hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
