Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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