hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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