Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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