I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
