seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
