A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
