are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
