Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
