i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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