cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
