I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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