I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
