just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
