Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He did a backflip because drugs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
