Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
