Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
