bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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