Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just high enough for therapy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
