do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
