tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
