What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
